the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
