he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
