he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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