she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
