it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
