I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
