Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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