I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
