you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Green mimosas i think yes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
