Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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