Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
