im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
