my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
