he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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