there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
