people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
