Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
