My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
