they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
