You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
