I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
