just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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