There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
