so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
