Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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