it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
