Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
