Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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