im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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