i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
