People in love make me want to vomit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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