She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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