I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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