My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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