When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
