Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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