why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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