I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
