I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
