okay pat passed out under dana's car
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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