okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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