Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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