margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
