i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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