Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
