i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
