My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
