Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want her autograph on my taint
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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