Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
