So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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