Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
